Instead of starting with the traditional and an uninteresting "Hi..I am back" I will start with something much more traditional and torpid. Something which has been said and heard so many times that it is now losing its power. The punch. The respect and warmth it used to carry. The personal touch it used to bring in. Its fading (much like the reputation of 'educated' leaders of the Congress Party) . I hear it at least trillion times each day. Most of them are used to convey.."Dude, our conversation is over.". Some of them are used in lieu of a better word to finish a sentence. Some of them are used to intelligently forfend a topic. This pleonasm does more harm to the usage of the expression than anything else.

I want to say Thank You! (for want of a superior expression)

Yes, Thank you everyone for keeping this little blog of mine alive by occasionally checking for updates, for all the offliners and for enquiring about the CEO's paycheck :)

I promise, to you, and to myself, that I will not let the tank of this place run out of fuel. It will keep moving. Inch by inch.

I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks.
~William Shakespeare

---
चाह्‍ुँगा मै तुझे साझँ सवेरे,
फिर भी अब नाम को तेरे,
आवाज मै ना दूगाँ.....
--

Its Saturday again. Nothing Unusual. Am at work again. Nothing Unusual.

I think there is no one else working right now, at least on my floor. I kind of like it.
Working on Saturday means overtime. Overtime means exxtra $$$. Extra $$$ means I can eat out more often and not think about saving a lot by cooking at home.

Doug just left. Said that he made a good progress. I suggested that may be its coz its peaceful. He was like.."ya..no meetings.not phone calls..just work".
I blurted out abruptly "We all shud work on weekends then!..to make good progress"..

I dont think he really liked it. He is a senior guy and doesnt joke around a lot.

I started a poem..wrote four lines..

Its coming again,
The dry rain
O' heart, dont you dare hop!
Its not the love-drop,

I am happy, I realized soon that I am not a freaking poet. Some realizations are just too gud and true.

To tell you some more truth, I feel like stealing into the CEO's office and look for his pay slip. Won't it be interesting?..Does he even get a paycheck?

I think he does.

I know, there is been a huge-enormous-volcanic-immense blog-neglect on my part.
I am not posting frequently. I am not reading blogs. I am not leaving comments. I am not replying to the comments. I am not not not....

I am going through that What-To-Do-In-Future and How-To-Do-It phase. Been thinking and talking to people a lot. Trying to get a BIG picture. I wish life was an IMAX movie.; whenever you look at you get the BIG picture. I am kind of getting there., an IMAX is just couple of miles from my office.


I want to get back to work and for a change I will do what I want to do.

CEO's office, I am coming. ;)

Errr...

These words that you see here weren't intended. Instead, there should have been a proper post on so many things that are going on in my life. I am being lazy for no particular reason. Procrastination is the word that was put in the dictionary exclusively to describe the meaningless activities of Kaps. I have a copyright on the word. I can sue if you use it without my written permission, and when I say 'I can'.. It actually means 'I definitely will' ..unless you are a beautiful girl who believes in 'quality' time pass while we discuss my other 'meaningful' activities. Did you say you are now procrastinating the use of the word?

That's that!.

Lately, I have been reading a lot about reservations in central funded universities in India. A silent reader, that's what I have been; All the yahoo groups..All the mailing lists that connect me to my Alma Mater, are discussing this issue with full rigor. Different people, different backgrounds, different opinions. Its just fascinating. I mean, being a silent reader-- even that is fascinating! Reading those discussions, arguments and counter-arguments and blame games is the highlight of my day.

Protests, all over.
Students decide to bunk classes to show their anger. That was yesterday in IITK. Were they heard?

students senate in various universities/colleges meet and pass a resolution. They intend to write to the President, hold a protest march in the campus, plan to organize a press conference, try and get themselves heard. Will they succeed?

Bangalore, Alumnus decide to go for a peaceful protest march. They want more and more support am sure they will get it. Will they make a difference?

Lots more. Rumors about IITK and IITB alumni going on a hunger strike/ suicide threats.
If its true, will their concerns be taken care of?

Media, publicize and make money, hoping that finger pointing continues. Big advertisement revenue keeps pouring. Will their profits be worth it?

Bloggers, yet another hot topic to punch words in. I think-I blog types. Will their words be read and commented on?

Answers, I seek. Questions I ask.

But wait.. I am a silent reader!...Let me go read more.

We need a leader.

(that's the bottom line, if u noticed)

Its time for some...

SANTA BANTA! :)..
Picked up from a forwarded mail..no offence intended!..just fun.
some more interesting stuff will come soon.

Come fall in love...Online!

Yesterday, M asked me if I had feelings for her. She was afraid, that I do, coz a day before I had hung up on her in a *strange* situation. She said she dint sleep that night..People lose sleep over me!. Am that dangerous. Stay away, if you want to sleep in peace.

My answer, though very obvious to me, was a profound no. I mean no feelings of that kinds.--saath mein rahenge..bachon ka naam kya hoga types. I don't fall for people online. The idea doesn't appeal to me. But, I really enjoy the friendship to the extent that there remains a very thin line between whats virtual and whats real. Strangely, the next step scares me to hell. It may be because, I don't want to scare the other person :). I just imagine the real rendezvous..
I travel, and walk across the deserts, swim the seas and hike the jungle in the scorching sun, buy a red rose and some chocs and a stupid ring and get there, expecting --I love you, you love me---Lets be with each other--Lets talk to our parents--We will work it out.

She: Oh..
Me: What..
She: is that you?
Me: No, its my Yahoo id
She: I thot you were..errYou look so different from ur pics
Me: ya..trick photography.
She: ok ya..we..we... can be good friends..Don't call me. I will call you.
Me: that's cool too.

That was exaggerated. And before you stand and shout "I object..". I know it doesn't happen always. People do find soul-mates online.
They meet, magic strikes, Chunnu, Munnu arrives. Ok, not so soon, but they do :)

I have met 3 online friends of mine. Yes those, Cafe Coffee Day meetings..Gosh! I'd never thought of this before!!..Therez always been a Cafe Coffee Day involved. So let me grab this opportunity to thank the owners of CCD for setting up their franchise in Bangalore, sorry, I mean Bangalurooo and Delhi and Kanpur. Sure, "A lot can happen over Coffee"

Coming back, I will not call it online anymore because of the simple fact that even though it started as a YM thing, my relationship with all of them have grown tremendously and now there is nothing virtual left, except the scraps and emails and chats and phone calls-- means of communication. I cant explain it. There has been a shift, from virtual to real and a leap upwards in my comfort level with them. The thin line isnt there anymore. Its been a beautiful and a wonderful experience. A journey from "Do you really exist" to "Oh! I am so glad you really exist".

Why, its been so good? I reason and me thinks because there weren't any feelings involved. Curiosity was, but that's totally different.
So, Why, no feelings? I reason again and now me thinks that it was coz my mind, heart, body, soul, kidney, liver, intestines, lungs, *everything* already felt and inhaled someone else. It still does and am trying to fend it off and success seems as close as Mr. Osama is to US. Its very easy to 'act' and 'declare' and say 'LOL, it was just a little infatuation, you see'. Yeah, a lil infatuation which is already 8 years old. Ask me, how easy it is. Oooops, I digress. Bad Kapil. Don't do that again. Listen to your brain.

I want to elaborate more on M. May be later. Its too much to put in one post. She deserves more than few lines. Its been more than 2 months of knowing each other and an incredibly bumpy yet smooth ride all through.

Control?

So, I did not fall off from the Golden Gate Bridge. I did bend down over the railing to take a look. I controlled. I think I saw Lalita Powar in the water below, waving madly, calling out to me to jump. If it were Catherine Zeta Zones or Monica Belluci I would certainly have. But, then I would have missed this blog.

Another reason for me to control was that I was pissed off. Golden Gate Bridge is not made of Gold!. Its not even painted gold.

Ab yeh bhi koi baat hui?..Hum naraaz ho gaye aur nahi koode.

It reminded me of Yuva though, the scene when Vivek Oberoi bhaiya jumps off from Howrah. Who did he saw in Devgan bhaiya? Kareena Didi to wahin unke paas khadi thi..hmm..somethings are better off when left unexplained. May be he just couldn't control.

During the Calif. Trip. I finished my 512MB memory stick in the digicam. I could not control. And now I am overwhelmed by the number of pics I have got to deal with. Will upload some of them soon.

Couple of days back, I'd almost lost it. The control, I mean. It was the limit.

Chalo, ek tip ka bulb jala deta hun

Whenever you have an urge to pee.
Do it. Don't control.
Do it. Do it, My friend.. Do it.
Look for a place and do it.
and Happy, You will be.

Basically, I had gone to attend a dinner presentation by the ASCE Geotech group. They had invited a faculty from UIUC to talk on the new technologies that will shape the future of geotech testing and surface exploration . Whatever it was, I did'nt care. My senior had told me that the company reimburses for it and that I get 1 hour of professional development and dinner. It was enough for me to say Yes. Apne ko kya?

We got there during the cocktails and then some thing or the other kept me interested and made me ignore the urge. I controlled like Atal ji controls his speech, I managed myself like Rajnikanth manages his cigarette, goggles, pistol and cowboy hat all in one shot. Did I say that the cocktails were followed by a long Greek dinner and then a even longer presentation. It was all like watching a Balaji Telefilms soap on an island surrounded by sharks. All this while I kept that kodak-moment smile on my face and punctuated it by occasional "Oh yaa..is it?"

Finally it was over and my senior kindly dropped me off at the train station in downtown. She was very kind. I mean very very kind, because she waved me good bye and stood there to see me getting into the train station, leaving me absolutely no chance of sneaking into a store and its heavenly restroom.

I got into the train and tried to keep myself busy with the Contemporary Modern History text book I am carrying these days (just for the heck of it). I think I just read two sentences in the 20 minute journey. I got off at my station and literally started a 100 meter to my apartment. It was windy and cold as usual. And when its cold, it gets worse. Thankfully M called up. Tu Jiye Hazaroon Saal, Saal ke din ho Pachas Hazaar.

M: Hii..kya ho raha hai ?

Me: Hi..arey yaar mat pooocho..I just got off the station and am walking towards my place and its windy here..*kat-kat-kat-kat*

M: hehe..ok ok I will hang up, ur hands will freeze. I know its bad

Me: "Arey nahi..nahi ..its ok..just talk to me..divert my mind..or I will do it right here!..koi rest room nahi hai..badi der se control kiya hua hai..*kat kat kat*"

M: ohh..hehe..arey go into a store na..

Me: Nahi hai na..I am in a residential area..kuch nahi hai..ruko ruko ATM machine hai..kar dun?

M: Hell no!!..hehe ure crazy

Me: Cars hai..no wait..fire hydrant..usmein? :)

M: Shutup..

Me: Kisi ke ghar mein ghus jaata hun..bolunga please please ek baar bathroom jane do naa. :D

M: hhaha..ya do that..pit jaoge.

Me: ok ok..keep talking then ..ghar aane hi wala hai..so what did u do today?

M: umm..ok..I cleaned the house..vacumed the living room..and then..we have lots of glasses here..so cleaned them..

Me: ohh.basically u are practicing being a house wife..

M: hehe..nahin yaar.

Me: and giving ur mom more reasons to get u married

M: No.!!I like to manage the house..and makeover..bus.

Me: ok ok..watever I know you want to get married..haha.

--Talk--Jabber--More Talk--More Jabber--

Me: Hey listen ..will call u back..am entering my apartment..and thanks!.

Back to Tip of the Day -

Whenever you have an urge to pee.

Do it. Don't control.

Do it. Do it, My friend.. Do it.

Look for a place and do it.

and Happy, You will be.

I hope everyone had a COLORFUL HOLI,

mine was plain..am a little sick..feeling that throat infection again..but what less do u expect when you go out for a hair-cut right into the wind and cold, with no ear-puffs and gloves and then get into a hot shower seconds after you have said goodbye to the cold wind.

The Point

Yesterday I had this project coordination meeting. The drawings I have been working on will be reviewed next week. Now I know what Rakeysh Mehra would have felt when Rang De Basanti's release was delayed. So, I was going to type in something here and the celfone in my left pocket started dancing in a silent mode. I try my best to avoid taking calls while at work because I feel utterly discomfortable. There is this Czech guy in the next cubicle who comes to office to talk on phone in some Slovakian language. He doesn't know what I feel about it, which ofcourse is much like what Michael Moore thinks about George Bush and his Monkey face. I don’t want anyone else to feel the same about me, may be because I possess a Monkey-ier face than Bush. Why present unnecessary oppurtunities when you already are a sky full of them. I read that some 5000 security personnal are appointed for Bush's security while he is in India. I would rather have them ploughing a field. Or may be I don’t understand summit level talks about nuclear cooperation. I also read that Dr. Manmohan Singh set aside the protocol and made an appearance at IGI airport to receive Mr. and Mrs. Bush. It may be a feel-good gesture considering it is Bush's first visit to India. Of all what little I have read and heard about our PM one thing that stands out is his gentle (un-aggressive ? , meekish?) nature. I had an oppurtunity to meet with him briefly during a lunch hosted by Rajya Sabha in Dec. 2003 and he seemed to be a calm, soft-spoken man like the Gandhian way.

After 3 hours from now, I will have the pleasure to sneak away from work and board the southwest flight to San Jose. I will try and post some pics of my California trip, that is, if I do not fall off from the Golden Gate Bridge. In the meanwhile, keep checking the news about a guy who died because he thought falling in love was as easy as falling from the Golden Gate or Eiffel or Moon or whatever!

You got the damn point!?!. Take it with you.